2006
9/21
Jack (my bike) and I got on the plane pretty painlessly but I still got the 85 dollar charge for the bike. I sat in the wrong seat the whole way and apparently Kenny Loggins was on the plane. I’m sitting in a café waiting for my chicken wrap. I just checked my emails in a valiant effort to keep my work from discovering that am I going to Hawaii for 6 days. In an action of defiance, I kept my cell phone on during the entire plane ride, I figure that if cell phones were such a huge security risk they would confiscate them like they did my water. Arg.
I’m on the plane headed for Hawaii, the big island. A place I have done absolutely no research on or usual trip preparation for, other than buying a ‘hidden Hawaii’ book and skimming through it during the first 45 minutes of this plane ride.
Of course, if I add up all the stories of those who have given me their two cents, it’s a dangerous pit bull inhabited den of rapists, drug dealers and generally touring hating locals… and I thought going to Nigeria was dangerous.
Mike asked me who I would want to go on this trip with, other than him. I told him I’d rather go by myself. I wonder if he really believed that. Traveling is such a sacred experience for me,. its my home, my stage, my sanctuary. Even being in an airport, or a bus taking me to some far off place that I’ve no idea what to expect is fucking awesome for me. Its an experience that I only want to share with no one really, until I met him. Mike told me that he and Keith were talking about freedom and what an incredibly rare thing it is for a 29 year old women not to be tied down. I guess Keith was feeling like he would never taste that freedom again. Does my freedom scare Mike? Who is not free to roam the globe at a whim or move away at a moments notice. Do I scare him because he knows that if he was as free as I am, that he wouldn’t stay in any one place for long?
Our relationship has been and is my most pleasureful and intoxicating adventure to date. I had no idea what I’ve been missing out on. Just sitting across from him as he looks at me with love and respect is more important and fulfilling than any destination.
But as much as I wish he was sitting next to me, headed on this tour through the big island, I am also glad that I am by myself. Sometimes I need to assure myself that I am not going to live my life for him. Its so easy to do because I enjoy him so much, I want him to take residence inside of me, but I cant let myself forget myself. I’m sure I could spend the whole of my vacation dissecting the possibilities but why? Instead I’d rather write about this moment, with kids screaming and whining up and down the aisles, my shaky handed neighbor who feels compelled to constantly warn me of the dangers of camping on the big island as he reads his book, appropriately titled ‘the state of fear’, and the suffocating sensation of 4 hours of regurgitated air filling up my lungs.
‘Prepare for landing’ has just been announced. As I’m looking out the window, I’m noticing that the islands are mountains, giant mountains erected from the sea. Unless the roads are beachside, I’m fucked.
9/21 Arrival to hostel…
I’m here! At Arnotts Lodge in Hilo. My taxi driver gave me some great advice about getting to Kona the hwy 19… don’t do it. Then I got an earful from the locals who work at the lodge, more of the same, are you crazy? Hwy 19 has no shoulders and basically equates to a suicide mission for any one on a bike.
9/22
Its morning. The first official full day of my Hawaiian adventure. I am sitting at an outdoor table at Arnotts. It’s a beautiful morning and there’s an amazingly brilliant rainbow in the sky. Hopefully indicating no more rain for the day. Last night was discouraging. Everyone telling me how dangerous it is, the drop offs, the speeding wacky cars, the roads, the danger. Not one person has said an encouraging word or story to me since I got here. No one has told me that I cant do it, they all just think I will get killed along the way. But last night was awesome. I put Jack together all by myself. I’m hoping that I did it properly. I think I did. All my stuff is packed on for the most part. Now I just need to figure out where I’m going. That Buddhist retreat sounds like a place I should go. Id like to go to Akaka falls too. According to the locals, the must see must do on this side of the island, is a visit to Wal-Mart. They can’t stop talking about it. I don’t think I’ve met a single person yet that hasn’t mentioned it. I came to Hawaii to escape Wal-Mart, thank you very much.
I’m at the Buddhist retreat center, about 17 miles north of Hilo, of course I went about 10 miles in the wrong direction, before turning around, making my way back up to Hilo, and then on the correct route headed towards Waimea. The Buddhist who runs the outfit here’s name is Akiko. She walked 1000 miles in Japan, on a 2 month pilgrimage to visit 88 Buddhist temples. This place is very serene. Quiet. Meditative. The town itself is made up of 12 families. No stores, post offices, or restaurants. This is exactly what I am looking for. I feel guilty for only going about 30 something miles today (the exact number will never be known since I keep forgetting to turn on the gps). What am I trying to prove? And to who? I’m almost tempted to keep it off.
I actually have to remind myself that the journey is the destination. I don’t know why I feel like that. That’s how I know there’s a reason for me to stay here tonight. Because one of the first things Akiko said to me was that no matter where I go, or if I fall off my designated path, I will never be lost and just to embrace the experience.
I felt so good on the bike today, just me and Jack riding along the highway listening to Dave Matthews Band. As much as I love meeting people while I’m traveling, I have much less of a desire to do so on this trip so far. I am thoroughly enjoying the solitude of it, the quietness. I am so looking forward to reading my book tonight, until my eyes become so heavy, the words become blurry and I am forced to go to sleep.
I just asked Akiko if I could meditate with her in the morning. I will be up and meditating at 4:45am. That’s early. But I am so excited. I can’t get over how peaceful this place is. It makes me want to improve the sanctuary to Buddhist standards and become one of them. If I could carry this feeling of peace around me and with me always, it would be lovely.
9/23
Its 5:51am. I just returned from my morning meditation. For some reason, my phone died in the middle of the night and when I woke up it was exactly 4:45am. Did Buddha send out a spiritual wake up call for me, knowing that my alarm failed me. the meditation was an hour of sitting, and counting my deep inhales and exhales. In the beginning, I was able to focus on my breath, without too many intruding thoughts, but it became increasingly more difficult, my mind went everywhere; the bike trip, the future, mike, etc… I had an awful thought that someone stole Jack, while I was counting my exhales, followed by another thought that I would still enjoy my trip without him. every bit of negative energy I was harboring inside me seemed to surface and release itself from me. I don’t know if I feel any different now. I don’t think it was a dramatic life changing experience, nor did I expect one hour of meditation to be transforming, but it was an enjoyable experience and that’s good enough for me.
I keep asking myself what do I want out of this trip? What are my goals? What do I want to achieve? Maybe it should be to just relax and appreciate where I am while I’m here. My mind keeps racing about kayaking swimming, horseback riding, surfing, biking. I feel like I am fighting the natural urge to just relax and unwind. Why am I so reluctant to give myself over to doing nothing for a day or two?
In an ultimate defiance of my own ambition to keep moving, I’ve decided to stay here another night. Now that I’ve made the decision I feel like it is the right one. Otherwise I would’ve been rushing from place to place and I really want to relax in this peaceful place for a day. Jack and I are taking a day trip down the coastline to a highly recommended, very secluded beach, called Lolopulaolo, or some random Hawaiian word, I will butcher, if I dare speak it aloud.
9/24
What do Hawaiians think will happen to food if they don’t fry it? Have they not been introduced to other methods of preparing meat and potatoes? I wish I could implement Mike’s no eating at restaurants with kid menus, except that I would tweak it to, I refuse to eat at restaurants with spam on the menu, although if that were the case, I would starve.